Edinburgh Anonymous has returned from the wilderness.
It is over a year since I last penned my modest yet incisive column in the Edinburgh Journal student newspaper – that’s too much time. There are wrongs that need righting, and wrongs that need writing.
As an arena for opinions as colossal as mine, The Edinburgh Journal was more of a rusty tin pot. Perhaps Pandeia will prove much the same. Still, such sorrowful beginnings will at least provide fantastic colour for my many future biographers.
I am returned from my post-study sojourn a couple of thou’ lighter. Who knows where the money is coming from. Never mind unemployment though – I got 70 quid from the Independent for a 1,700-word splurge on how hard this one bloke’s life is in Distant Foreign Land. I’m just waiting for the phone to ring now. Opening gambit will be: “Je suis Edinburgh Anonymous”. Smooth. Very current.
Maybe you think I am heartlessly exploiting a tragic news story for my own ends – but don’t jump down my throat.
Your wee hashtag is a separate news item. It’s a coping mechanism to help you all feel better.
Old Ed here is the shallow one, though, and you’re the deep one. Yet your commitment to positive action doesn’t go much further than mine, once we’re both finished typing “Je suis…” into a computer.
Perhaps you think – come on you miserable so-and-so – we’re showing solidarity with people who have been terrorised and murdered, and standing up for the right to freedom of speech.
Aye, but you’re also obstructing a serious debate over whether we should always refuse to compromise, ever shouting down from our ‘enlightened’ pedestal – patting ourselves on the back while utterly failing to engage with the people of whom we demand change.
Then you’ll come bothering me with news media onslaughts about why nothing has been solved. Not on my time.
If only my ‘Don’t-be-like-that-all-the-time-just-for-the-sake-of-it’ attitude prevailed, you might be able to legitimately criticise this column!
Of course, what the above outbursts really represent is a narcissistic young buck, fresh out of student journalism, set loose to run amok – taking self-involvement and self-aggrandisement to heights you all wish that you yourselves could scale. Je suis Ed.
‘Issues’ are merely paving stones on my path to the top – indistinguishable flat, grey slabs to my bright, empty eyes. I’ll mindlessly appropriate whatever I please and – by [deity] – I’ll shout louder about it than you, pal, any day of the week. JE SUIS ED.
Yes – this is a short reintroduction. I intend to write much more verbose and expansive bollocks in the coming months. So stay tuned. Edinburgh Anonymous – average student columnist – is back in the game.
Words: Ed Anon